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Breaking: 9 out of 10 Manchester United fans didn’t show up for work today
Calls for the word ‘Willy’ to be removed from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory
Sensational Ronaldo continues to score for fun against Saudi Arabian goat herders
Manchester United Officially Not Shite Anymore
Mary-Lou McDonald accuses Taoiseach of having a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle
Sam Smith threatens to cancel Manchester gig until the city is renamed Themchester
Taliban submit £5bn bid for Manchester United
Robert De Niro & Lady Gaga on Late Late tonight – Lol, nah it’s Joe Duffy and Twink
North Korea fires long-range ballistic missile at Enoch Burke
Harry and Meghan’s marriage in serious trouble
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