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Mary-Lou McDonald accuses Taoiseach of having a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle
Sam Smith threatens to cancel Manchester gig until the city is renamed Themchester
Taliban submit £5bn bid for Manchester United
Robert De Niro & Lady Gaga on Late Late tonight – Lol, nah it’s Joe Duffy and Twink
North Korea fires long-range ballistic missile at Enoch Burke
Harry and Meghan’s marriage in serious trouble
Manchester City relegated to the League of Ireland
Government to start using that middle bit on O’Connell Street to accommodate migrants
Local man actually pays for Netflix & doesn’t use his cousin’s wife’s friend’s neighbour’s account
Ireland offers to send its tank to Ukraine
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