Leading Irish Doctor Warns Men “Skinny Jeans Are Crushing Your Nuts!”
A leading Irish doctor has warned men who regularly wear jeans labelled ‘Skinny Fit’ that they may be causing permanent damage to their nutsacks. Full Story
President Higgins Hoping He Dies Before Trump Visits Ireland
President of Ireland Michael D. Higgins has confided in friends that he hopes he’s dead and buried if Donald Trump ever gets around to visiting Ireland as President of the United States. Full Story
Irish Weather Warning Upgraded To “Fierce Cold”
Having previously issuing a “Fierce Windy” weather warning last month, Met Éireann has today issued a “Fierce Cold” weather warning for the whole country with some counties also expected to bombarded with light drizzle. Full Story
Offaly Village trying To Hide Links To Trump’s Great-Grandfather
Residents of a village in County Offaly are denying that Donald Trump’s great-grandfather lived there before emigrating to America in 1894. Full Story
Priest Says C Word During Mass To See If Anyone’s Listening
An Irish Catholic priest has admitted that he said the C word during mass just to see if anyone in attendance was actually listening to his sermon. Full Story
People Of Cork Call For Hard Border
A huge demonstration on the streets of Cork City yesterday heard that the people of Ireland’s rebel county overwhelmingly reject interference from Dublin and believe they should govern themselves. Full Story
Trump Signs Bill Legalising Gun Vending Machines
U.S. President Donald Trump fulfilled one of his election campaign promises this week when he legalised gun vending machines. Full Story
Woman Awards Herself An Hour Of Facebook For Every 10 Minutes Of Work
A local office worker has decided that for every 10 minutes of work she does she should spend the next hour on Facebook. Full Story
Neighbours Delighted As Man Trying To Put Up Christmas Lights Is Electrocuted
Residents of a Dublin suburb were overwhelmed with joy last night when a local man who was trying to turn on his Christmas lights on the 9th of November was electrocuted and died. Full Story
Man Sent Shopping For 4 Items Gets 3 Of Them Wrong
A 36-year-old man who was sent to the local Aldi store by his wife for just four things somehow managed to get three of them wrong. Full Story
Local Girl Left Traumatised After Facebook Post Receives Only Two Likes
A 19-year-old girl has been left traumatised after posting a status update on Facebook that she thought was hilarious but her friends thought was shite. Full Story
President Higgins Shrinking
The President of Ireland, Michael D. Higgins, is shrinking rapidly and it seems nothing can be done to stop it. Full Story
Britain Ecstatic As Some Baldy Fella Gets His Missus Pregnant
There were scenes of jubilation across Britain yesterday after an official statement from Kensington Palace announced that Prince William and his wife Kate Middleton are expecting their third child. Full Story
New Ryanair Seats to Deliver `Mild Electric Shock’ To Kids Who Kick Them From Behind
There was great news for frequent flyers this week with the announcement that children who continuously kick the seat in front on Ryanair flights will soon be electrocuted. Full Story
Spain To Impose Travel Ban On Gingers
Spanish Government officials have announced that they are to introduce a ban on gingers entering the country in a controversial new policy which will come into effect early next year. Full Story
Man Deservedly Beaten Up For Ordering Glass Of Red Wine In Pub
A court has been told how a local man who walked into a pub and ordered a glass of red wine instead of a pint received a good kicking from the other customers in the bar. Full Story
“Now I Know How Mandela Felt When He Was Imprisoned” Joan Burton
Those were just some of the harrowing words of Joan Burton yesterday as she gave evidence during the trial of seven men charged with falsely imprisoning the former Táiniste. Full Story
Ryanair To Start Charging Passengers By Weight
Senior management at Ryanair have confirmed that the price of a seat on one of their flights will soon be directly linked to the weight of the passenger buying it. Full Story
McDonald’s Launch The McLanger In Cork
McDonald’s have launched a surprise new addition to their menu in an attempt to attract more customers back to their restaurants. Full Story
Scumbag Shot in Dublin
A 36 year old man has been shot in what appears to be a gangland attack in a pub in Dublin’s north inner city. Gardaí have confirmed that the injured man is a scumbag. Full Story
Queen Has Slight Cough, Britain Goes Into Meltdown
The Queen of England has been diagnosed with a slight, tickly cough and Britain has gone into absolute fucking meltdown. Full Story
President Plants Tree To Commemorate Other Tree
At a lavish ceremony on the grounds of Charleville Castle in Tullamore this morning, a crowd of almost 12 people gathered to witness the President of Ireland plant a tree to commemorate a much older tree. Full Story