Trump Bans Press From Press Conference

Donald Trump has decided to ban the press from all future press conferences. The US President has had a string of bust-ups in recent days during his daily Covid-19 briefings and it seems he’s finally had enough. Mr. Trump said from now on the only people allowed to attend his press conferences and question him will be members of his immediate family. But only the ones that don’t hate him.

“All reporters are fake news. All of them. All tv channels, newspapers, websites, radio stations. They’re all fake. It’s time to restore some order to my daily press briefings and from now on, only carefully selected members of my family get to question me. The questions will be tough but fair. I should know because I wrote them.”

The list of newspapers and tv channels the President claims are fake news is growing by the day. Even his beloved Fox News came in for some criticism from Trump after they ran a story for the first time ever that did not involve singing his praises and kissing his ass. The story was about goat herders in 1920s Mongolia and didn’t involve Trump in any way but it still angered the President.

“You either praise me or you’re against me. It’s that simple. And if you’re against me you’re fake news. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and ignore the advice of every doctor and scientist in the country and urge all my supporters to get out and protest against this ridiculous lockdown. They say I’m putting people’s lives in grave danger, I say I’m the President and I overrule all your sorry asses. It’s fun being me.”