Trump Adds Manufacturers Of Fake Tan To Essential Services List

Donald Trump has added manufacturers of fake tan to the list of essential services that can stay open during the coronavirus lockdown. The US President is said to be running low on supplies of his own particular shade of ‘hideous orange’ but hilariously still denies that he uses fake tan and claims his bright orange glow is all natural and a result of good genes.

“Many people like to use this fake tan stuff apparently so I have decided to order the production of this essential item to resume immediately. I don’t know what people see in it myself but that’s not for me to say. I guess not everybody is blessed with a natural looking bronzed complexion like some of us.”

The painfully obvious tan lines and white circles around Trump’s eyes are a constant source of amusement for his detractors and embarrassment for his supporters. It’s hard to fathom why the most famous man in the world doesn’t simply pay someone who knows where the face begins and ends to apply his tan and prevent him from facing the public every morning looking like Krusty the clown.

Meanwhile supporters of Donald Trump have been out protesting against the current lockdown in several cities across the US and demanding their right to contract and spread Covid-19. The protesters had spent years stocking up on guns, ammunition and canned food so they could shelter during a global crisis but are now complaining that they shouldn’t have to shelter during a global crisis. Scientists are said to be very excited and eager to interview the protesters as they had previously believed neanderthals died out many years ago.