The Democratic Unionist Party has called for the Irish Sea to be filled in. The DUP is currently boycotting the devolved institutions in the North and party leader Jeffrey Donaldson now says they will not return to Stormont until the sea is gone.
“The Irish sea, or to call it by its real name, the Irish republican sea, is there to separate the people of Northern Ireland from Britain and we will not stand for it any longer. Ulster is British and we should be connected to the mainland.”
We put it to Jeffrey that Donegal, Monaghan and Cavan are in Ulster and they’re not British. He told us to stop nitpicking.
“Okay some of Ulster is British. You’re getting away from the main issue here. As long as there is a body of water between Northern Ireland and Britain, we will never truly feel like we’re part of Britain. We’ll feel like we’re part of Ireland. Okay we are part of Ireland obviously but we’re not really. Well we are but we don’t want to be. Even though we are. Something like that. Anyway, God save the Queen. I mean King.”
The government of the Isle of Man has already sent a strongly worded message to the DUP, telling them they can f*ck off.
“Dear Jeffrey, you can f*ck off.” it said. “We only wish the Irish sea was several hundred miles wider and we were even further away from you mental nutjobs. All the best, the Isle of Man.”
The DUP has yet to respond.