Putin’s new political opponent accidentally poisons and shoots himself

Russia’s main opponent to President Vladimir Putin has accidentally poisoned himself and died, according to reports.

In a series of catastrophic events, state controlled Russian media outlets said Boris Nadezhdin also appears to have accidentally shot himself in the back of the head four times and then repeatedly stabbed himself. By accident. He then tragically fell out of a 27th floor Moscow hotel window.

Anti-war candidate Nadezhdin had already been barred from standing in Russia’s presidential election next month by the Kremlin in a move that cleared the country’s political landscape of all opponents to Vladimir Putin.

President Putin said he was sad to hear of Nadezhdin’s untimely death.

“Yet another tragic accident befalls an opponent of mine. It’s almost as if challenging my authority is bad for your health. I guess I’ll just have to stay in power for another 20 years. Lol.”

News of Mr Nadezhdin’s passing was announced in the death notices in the Moscow evening papers yesterday. The day before his death.