Ireland’s football team disbanded after failing to find a new manager

The Republic of Ireland men’s senior football team has been disbanded after nobody could be talked into becoming their next manager.

Having been turned down by all preferred candidates, the FAI then opened the position to absolutely anybody in the world who wanted it. Unfortunately nobody did.

A 27 year-old shop assistant from Bolivia gave it some thought but quickly changed his mind when he Googled who was in the squad.

Ireland are currently in 62nd place in the FIFA world rankings, just below Iraq and Burkina Faso. Yes, really. Look it up.

FAI chief executive Jonathan Hill told reporters he had no choice but to discontinue the team.

“Having failed to secure a manager from the world of football, we tried other sports such as cricket and darts. Then other professions. We even advertised the position in unemployment offices nationwide.

“I myself tried to contact the hugely successful manager Ted Lasso to see if he might be interested but it turns out he is in fact a fictional character who doesn’t really exist.”

Roy Keane was many Irish fans favourite to take over from Stephen Kenny but when asked live on Sky Sports last week if he’d be interested in the job, Keane seemed to hint that he wouldn’t when he replied “I’d rather drink a pint of me own piss.”