Man Who Presses Crowd Cheering Button At Anfield Sent Home Indefinitely

The man employed by Liverpool Football Club to press the crowd cheering button when the home team scores a goal has been told his services are no longer required. 45 year-old Terry Corkhill was given the news after Thursday night’s 1-0 defeat to Chelsea and was told by Anfield bosses that he should probably look for another job.

“I’m devastated.” Terry told us. “I never saw it coming. I went to work Thursday night as usual. I took the button out as usual. Never got to press it because we were shite. As usual. And then when I was leaving they told me not to bother coming back. I had to go home and tell the kids. Poor little Baz, Gaz, Terry, Tommy, Timmy, Stevie, Billy, Robbie, Kenny, Debz, Mel, John, Paul, George and Cilla were all devastated for me.”

10 hours of football have passed at Anfield since Liverpool scored a goal from open play. They are having what can only be described as an absolute shitshow of a season. Considering this and the fact that fans will soon be allowed back into stadiums, can Terry understand the club’s point of view that there’s no point in paying him to do nothing every week?

“No I can’t.” he replied angrily. “It’s not fair. They haven’t sacked Firmino and he does fuck all every week too.”