Price of all pints reduced to €3 nationwide

In a hugely unexpected surprise contained in today’s budget, it has just been announced by Finance Minister Michael McGrath that the price of all pints of beer will be reduced to €3 nationwide.

The price reduction comes into effect immediately and any pub that charges more than €3 for any pint from now on will be closed down until they comply.

We ventured into Fergie’s Bar in Tullamore and asked customers for their thoughts. Unsurprisingly, the feedback was overwhelmingly positive.

Jim Daly told us “Finally, something for the working man. No more drinking cans of that cheap foreign slop at home. I can actually afford a proper night out now. Well done to the government. I’ll still never vote for the c**ts but well done.”

Tom Gorman agreed. “I used to come into town for maybe 3 or 4 pints and then do the 4-hour walk home. Now I’ll be able to have a hape of pints, a big dirty feed of chips and still have enough for the taxi home. I haven’t been completely shitfaced in a pub in years. Just at home in the kitchen. I’m so happy I could cry.”

We asked Vintners Federation of Ireland President Jim McGuire if he thinks the price reduction could lead to people drinking a lot more.

“Ah please God it will, yeah. You never want the craic to end when you’re out, so this will allow people to stay out longer. All we need now is 24-hour round the clock opening hours and it’s non-stop party time. G’wan Ireland!”