Met Éireann: Weekend Weather To Be Mixed But Mostly Shite

After some warm and sunny weather over the last few days, Met Eireann say conditions for the long weekend will be mixed but mostly shite. Bright sunny conditions will give way to heavy showers later so if you haven’t cut you lawns already do it now and don’t be codding yourselves thinking you can put it off until tomorrow. You’re only acting the bollocks.

Saturday – early morning showers will ease off around midday but by then everything will be ringing wet. You can dry everything off if you want and sit outside pretending to yourself it’s a lovely bank holiday weekend but by 2 o’clock it will be lashing again so honestly lads would you bother?

Sunday – Sunday will be dry but before you get all giddy and excited, dry and overcast. Tha’s right, the only dry day of the long weekend will be dull and grey. It will also be very windy so those of you planning to invite friends or family over for a barbecue can think again. You’re not supposed to be having visitors into your home anyway and who needs them? Spilling drink, dropping food and pissing and shite-ing in your toilet all day. Good riddance to them.

Monday – Monday will see the long awaited re-opening of outdoor dining. Or to put it another way, beer gardens. Yes, at long last you can actually go for a pint this Monday. As long you don’t mind paying at least €5 for it and drinking it while sitting outside. Or you could save your money and stay home in front if the laptop booking yourself a nice holiday somewhere warm and sunny.

But if you’d rather spend your bank holiday Monday shivering and spending a small fortune while getting pushed and shoved around a jam-packed beer garden and in all likelihood puked on by drunken young lads, that’s your choice. Just remember, as well as all that, the weather will be shite.