Olympics ban white guys from 100 metres because what’s the point?

The International Olympic Committee has confirmed that white guys will no longer participate in the 100 metres because there’s just no point. Committee chairman Thomas Bach said it’s time white athletes started focusing on events in which they have at least some chance of winning.

“After years of watching white sprinters cross the finish line long after the black athletes have finished the race, showered, changed and gone home, we’ve decided to put an end to the humiliation once and for all. It’s time white athletes concentrated on events where they have a chance of winning a medal like swimming and archery.”

Athletes of African origin have dominated short distance running for nearly 40 years now as well as other events such as middle distance running and long distance running.

Lassano Moses is chairman of the African Olympic Committee and he said white athletes shouldn’t get disheartened.

“Aw come on guys, there’s always the Winter Olympics. When it comes to sliding down a hill you guys are the best, hahaha!”

Mr. Moses then continued laughing for approximately half an hour.