Simon Cowell launches search for next terrible boyband

Simon Cowell was in Dublin yesterday searching for his next terrible boyband.

The former X-factor judge said he doesn’t like what he’s hearing in the charts these days and is determined to bring back puke music for 12 year-olds.

Hundreds of hopefuls turned up for yesterday’s auditions in Dublin’s north inner city and we asked Cowell what qualities he was looking for in the people queueing up outside.

“Well they don’t necessarily need to be able to play a musical instrument. Or to write music. Or to dance. Or sing. Or have any music talent whatsoever. Basically we’re looking for the next Shane Lynch. He’s out there waiting to be discovered and I’m going to find him.”

Cowell said the only attribute any member of a boyband needs to have is to be good-looking. We asked him if that’s the case how did Brian McFadden get into Westlife.

“That was nothing to do with me. It was Louis Walsh. I asked him why does that guy’s face look like a clenched arse but he never replied. I guess there can be exceptions. Look at Mikey Graham.”