Ten Hag admits Martial is shite

Manchester United manager Erik ten Hag has finally admitted that French striker Anthony Martial is shite. The Dutchman didn’t hold back when giving an unusually honest post-match interview after United … this afternoon in a match where Martial was particularly shite.

“Yeah he’s shite. I’ve been kidding myself all this time hoping he would improve but if I’m honest the lad has always been shite. I moved more on the bench today than he did on the pitch. It’s time to face facts and just agree with the fans on this one. Anthony Martial is complete and utter shite.”

Ten Hag was asked what his future plans are for Martial now that he’s admitted he’s shite.

“I’ll start him next game. Him and Donny Van Der Wank or whatever his name is. These are the players to turn our season around. Or maybe not. I honestly have no idea anymore. Is Phil Jones still at Manchester United?”