Dubliner Shane Ross Not Really Sure Why He Has An English Accent

Minister for Transport Shane Ross has admitted that he’s not really sure why he speaks with an upper class English accent. Ross is a born and bred Dubliner so his accent makes no logical sense whatsoever. We spoke to the Minister and began by asking him why he talks like a knob.

“Well as you have stated, I am indeed a native Dubliner, born and raised, so suffice to say I’m not entirely sure where I attained this accent from. Quite frankly I’m flummoxed, bamboozled if you like. It’s quite the conundrum.”

So just to be clear, you’re saying you don’t know why you have an English accent?

“Indeed. I mean I was schooled at St. Stephens in Dundrum and did spend a couple of semesters at boarding school in Warwickshire before completing my education at Trinity College so I was never going to end up speaking like Christy Dignam or Brian Kerr. Having said that I don’t see how any of this is relevant. I took your call because I was lead to believe you wanted to talk about the current situation regarding the potential catastrophic ramifications of a no deal brexit.”

No. We just wanted to know why you talk like a knob.

“I see. Then I’ll bid you good day this instant. Adieu and farewell sir.”


Next week we ask Leo Varadker why he’s such a smug prick.