Ronaldo Sacks Solskjaer

Christiano Ronaldo has informed Ole Gunner Solskjaer that his services will no longer be required at Manchester United.

Ronaldo made his decision after today’s disappointing one all draw against Everton at Old Trafford. Solskjaer did not start Ronaldo and he was only brought on as a 57th minute substitute. The Portuguese superstar said his mind was made up when he saw the team sheet this morning.

“I can confirm I’ve just told Ole to clear his stuff out of the manager’s office and to never darken these doors with his presence again. He’s a lovely guy Ole but an awful manager which he proved today by leaving the greatest footballer on the planet on the bench. What an absolute tit. I think it’s best for everyone if he just goes back to Norway now and stays there.”

Ronaldo was asked who he thinks would be the right man to take over the hot seat at Old Trafford.

“It doesn’t matter. Ole’s downfall was he got too big for his boots. Picking the team and deciding what players to buy. Ridiculous.

“Sir Alex told me if I came back I could do whatever I wanted so I’m going to be picking the team from now on. They say no player is bigger than the club. Well I am. I’m Christiano Ronaldo for fuck’s sake. I’m bigger than everything in this world. Get Sam Allerdyce in for all I care, it doesn’t matter. As long as he does everything I say he’s the right man for the job.”