Royal Birthday Celebrations In London As Britain’s Prince Philip Turns 126 Today

There will be celebrations in London today as Britain’s Prince Philip turns 126, although the Duke of Edinburgh will be spending his birthday in the city’s Royal Windsor Hospital. The Queen’s husband, who fought in the Boer War, is being kept in for observation as doctors try to figure out how the hell he’s still alive.

Philip is much loved by the British public for his legendary and often hilarious racist comments but his physical and mental health has been a source of concern in recent years and doctors say the ageing Royal is not entirely in touch with reality these days.

Prince William visited his grandfather this morning and told reporters he’s in good spirits.

“He’s comfortable and smiling a lot, although he’s on so many drugs right now the doctors told me that’s probably because he’s very high. He just kept staring and grinning at me. Apparently he thought I was a balloon.”

The Queen of couse wouldn’t dream of missing her husband’s birthday and will be sending her personal assistant’s secretary’s servant to the hospital later today with a card and a swiss roll.