A local man who put his Christmas tree up this week is hoping that it annoys the shite out of as many people as possible.
James McColgan from Tullamore said he used to put his tree up in December but when he noticed how angry some people seem to get when they see Christmas trees up in November, he decided to take action.
“There’s not a lot in this world more satisfying than annoying people.” James told us. “Just getting on their tits in general. It’s great auld craic. And one thing that really seems to piss people off this time of year is seeing Christmas trees up already, so I put mine up Sunday. Please God it’ll drive all the grumpy hoors mad.”
We spoke to grumpy hoor Brian O’Shea who lives near James and asked him for his thoughts.
“It drives me mad!” he told us. “I walk a different route into town now just so I don’t have to see his tree. It’s changed my usual 10-minute walk into a 4-hour walk but I don’t care.”
James told us he’s delighted to hear his Christmas tree is having the desired effect and said he has already decided to put it up even earlier next year.
“I think we’ll skip Halloween and go straight from Easter into Christmas. Get the tree up in April. Drive them all mental altogether. You can’t beat a good 7-month Christmas.”
Meanwhile emergency legislation that passed yesterday will see any radio DJ’s who play Ronan Keating’s atrocious version of Fairytale of New York this Christmas receive an automatic 10-year prison sentence.
The offending DJ will also be stripped of their Irish citizenship and deported to Afghanistan upon release, where they will spend the rest of their life. The legislation passed with 160 votes in favour and zero against.
Image by Freepik