Government hopeful all hotels in Ireland will be closed to tourists by end of year

The government is confident it can reach its target of having all hotels in the country closed to tourists by the end of the year.

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar promised that every town and village in Ireland will soon have its very own direct provision centre and said people who have a problem with this simply don’t know what they’re talking about.

“I just don’t get Irish people protesting against this. You all live in houses so why would you need a hotel? It’s ridiculous. If those people in Drogheda don’t stop moaning about the government I’ll be forced to call them you-know-what. Let’s just say it’s the opposite of near-left.”

Killarney Chamber of Tourism and Commerce recently confirmed that a “dramatic drop in footfall” was due to hotels in the town being turned into direct provision centres.

Several businesses in Killarney have closed down as a direct result of a lack of tourists and visitors to the town which has led to an outcry from local politicians and business leaders.

The Taoiseach however didn’t seem moved by their concerns.

“Those politicians and business leaders will be called you-know-what too if they don’t pipe down. Don’t make me do it lads. You know I will.”

The Taoiseach also said TD’s who voice anything other than total support can expect immediate punishment.

“Any elected members of Dáil Eireann who step out of line will not only be called you-know-what but also the ‘R’ word. You have been warned.