Ireland to send someone belching into a microphone to next year’s Eurovision

Ireland’s Eurovision Song Contest committee has announced that next year’s entry will consist of someone doing a big loud belch into a microphone.

Ireland failed to qualify for this year’s final last night with a song about a dog from Russia that was performed by a girl from Norway. Yes, really.

Jamie Colgan from the Irish Eurovision Committee told us they’re officially out of ideas.

“Honestly, there’s nothing left to try. We’ve sent everything at this stage. Dance music, rock music, ballads, Irish music, good songs, bad songs, great songs, terrible songs. We even sent Dustin the turkey one year and a non-binary witch last year. We’re never winning it again.”

So who will we be sending next year to belch into the microphone?

“It doesn’t matter.” he explained. “Anyone. I’ll do it myself if I have to. Just someone who can do a long, loud belch on command. And if that doesn’t work then the following year we’re going with someone playing the bongos while taking a dump. Don’t be surprised if that wins. I certainly won’t.”