Centra to introduce priority queues at their deli counters

Centra is set introduce priority and non-priority queues at their deli counters nationwide from next week, with the price of joining the priority queue set at €5.

The move follows a trial run at Flynn’s Centra in Tullamore after a number of incidents in recent weeks involving people in a hurry and others who don’t seem to give a shite about the lengthy queues building up behind them.

In one reported incident, local carpenter Eamon O’Toole ended up punching the head off farmer Henry Jockins after Mr Jockins took 15 minutes to choose bacon and cabbage for his take-away dinner.

In that time a queue had built up at the deli counter almost as long as the one Mr Jockins had created on the N52 as he drove his tractor along the middle of the road, ignoring all hard shoulders on his 10 mile journey.

Sinéad Coonan works at the deli and told us they had to take action because things were getting out of hand.

“One auld lad spent at least 20 minutes asking me ‘What’s that?’ ‘What’s that?’ ‘What’s that?’ I could see everyone behind him getting angry and looking at their watches. Eventually he decided he wasn’t hungry and just left.”

Jonathan Mahon is head of deli strategy at Centra and he told us he believes it’s a great plan to get people back to work in record time.

“We get a lot of builders in and those boys know what they want. In and out. Chicken fillet roll, a can of Monster and a vape refill.

“If Michael O’Leary can get people to pay an extra €30 just to be at the front of a large crowd gathered on a stairway for 25 minutes, then I think we’re on to a sure thing with the priority food queue.”

When asked about Centra’s priority queues today, Taoiseach Simon Harris said that while it’s a great idea get builders back on site as quickly as possible due to the chronic housing shortage, the government will continue its policy of prioritising migrants and has committed €5million to pay Centra’s priority queue costs for all asylum seekers to ensure they get fed ahead of Irish workers. “It’s what Ursula would want.” he said.