Shock as team that hasn’t won a trophy in 60 years fails to win another one

Paul McRingo | Hurling Correspondent

The world of football is in shock tonight after a country that hasn’t won a trophy in 60 years failed to win another trophy.

England lost their World Cup 2026 knockout match to the Democratic Republic of Congo (LOL) this evening and their distraught fans just can’t believe it.

“I just can’t believe it.” said Nigel Winterbottom from Nottingham. “Ever since we beat Panama I was sure we were gonna win the whole thing. Everyone was. Even Lineker and Shearer. The Daily Mirror and The Sun told us ‘Football’s Coming Home.’ How the hell could this happen?”

Colin Weatherhead from Leicester said England losing to Congo just doesn’t make sense.

“It just doesn’t make sense.” said Colin. “The Premier League is the best league in the world so why can’t England win the World Cup?”

That’s probably because the best players in the Premier League aren’t English, Colin.

Once again the English media hyped their team’s chances beyond all reason at a major football tournament before it had even began and once again their fans watched on in horror as England showed that they’re just not good enough.

Meanwhile back in London the notorious British tabloids, who had been hailing England manager Thomas Tuchel as a football genius, are now expected to photoshop a pair of donkey’s ears onto his head and call for him to be sacked immediately.