Met Eireann: Weekend Weather To Be Mixed But Mostly Shite

After some unusually mild weather for this time of year over recent weeks, Met Eireann say conditions for the coming weekend will be mixed but mostly shite. A dirty hoor of a morning in most places today gave way to brighter conditions this afternoon but if you think that’s going to continue you’re codding yourselves lads. Expect rain and wind nationwide so don’t be acting the bollocks getting lawnmowers out.

Saturday – another dirty bastard of a morning to start the day but a dry afternoon is expected so get your walking and jogging and lawnmowing and whatever else you’re into out of the way but be quick because guess what? That’s right, rain. Lashings of rain everywhere. Get it done and get home and close the windows and lock the doors. You’re not allowed visitors anyway and who needs them? Dragging muck and shite into the house. Good riddance to the lot of them I say.

Sunday – Those of you not waking up with a hangover might have ideas of a lovely sunday morning stroll through the park. Lol! Where do you think you are, Lanzarote? That wet stuff beating off the windows should bring you back to reality fairly sharpish. Get the heating on and sit your arse down in front of the telly for the day. Outside there’s nothing but misery and coronavirus and lockdown this and level 5 that.

In fact get the Christmas tree up now. Why wait? Skip Halloween altogether. You can’t answer your door anyway ‘coz most of the little brats looking for free sweets are probably knee-deep in Covid. Give them nothing!

Forecast for next week – Expect more of the same but with more rain.