Galway United’s Ronaldo Contract Offer Includes Free Supermacs For Life

Galway United have officially launched a bid to sign Cristiano Ronaldo. The league of Ireland club cannot possibly match the Portuguese star’s insane wage demands but are hoping to tempt him to make the move to Eamonn Deacy Park in other ways, including an offer of a free Supermacs meal every day for the rest of his life.

Club chairman Barney Fitzmaurice told us “The way we see it, he already has more money than he could ever spend in his lifetime. He may have played all over the world and lived a life of luxury but what’s the point of life if you go through it having never experienced a Mighty Mac Meal? That’s a wasted life. We’ll also throw in free pints forever in The Quays if he signs.”

Ronaldo walked out on Manchester United last month, telling his agent he wants to play in the Champions League. However, not one European club involved in the Champions League has shown any interest in signing the Portuguese star, mainly due to the fact that he’s now a middle-aged man and kinda shite at football.

Ronaldo has yet to respond to Galway’s contract offer but news of the bid has started a flurry of speculation and excitement around the city.

Galway Archaeological and Historical Society has already claimed to have found evidence that Ronaldo’s great-great-great grandfather, Seamus Ronaldo, emigrated from Connemara during the famine. They also say they have located the ruins of the cottage that Seamus grew up in.

Sales of Galway United shirts have gone through the roof since the news broke and this week alone the club has received over 250,000 orders from around the world. Last season they sold 8 shirts.

We’ll have more on this breaking news as it happens.