Oh Sweet Mother of Divine Jaysus England Are Through To The World Cup Semi-Final


As most people are probably already aware there’s dreadful news coming from the city of Samara in Russia this evening as England have actually gone and qualified for the World Cup semi-final the bastards.

The Brits beat Sweden 2-0 and are now just one win away from reaching a World Cup final for the first time since 1966. As we all know they won it that year because they haven’t shut the fuck up about it ever since.

The result was greeted with dread and horror by many people here in Ireland as the thoughts of England actually winning the World Cup again is starting to make people feel kinda vomity. But not everyone is in the ‘Anyone But England’ camp.

Although local rivalry is a tradition throughout the world there are some Irish people who think it’s terrible altogether and that Irish people who don’t support England are stupid. Most people however find it a tad difficult to support the country that wiped out their language, their culture and 50% of their population. It seems that it’s the little things that tend to annoy people the most.

Meanwhile religious leaders of all faiths here at home have confirmed that churches nationwide will remain open this evening and prayer vigils will be held throughout the night so people can come together and pray that England get knocked out of the World Cup in the next round and their awful fans get the absolute shite kicked out of them once again by the Russians. If you’re up there Jesus your people need you. Lord hear us!