The world of football is in shock tonight after a country that hasn’t won a trophy in 52 years failed to win another trophy. England were dumped out of the World Cup by Croatia in the Luzhniki Stadium in Moscow this evening and their fans just can’t believe it.
“I just can’t believe it.” said Nigel Winterbottom from Nottingham. “Ever since we beat Tunisia in injury time I was sure we were gonna win the World Cup. Everyone was. Even Lineker and Shearer. The Daily Mirror and The Sun told us ‘Football’s Coming Home.’ How the hell could this happen?”
After more than a week of talking absolute horse-shit about being in the easy half of the draw English TV pundits watched on in horror as their team were beaten by Croatia who they predictably referred to as ‘inferior opposition’ even though they’re clearly superior.
Meanwhile back in London the notorious British tabloids who had been hailing English manager Gareth Southgate as a national hero and calling for him to be knighted are now expected to photoshop a pair of donkey’s ears onto his head and call for him to be sacked.