Eamon Ryan Suggests Replacing Electric Picnic With Acoustic Picnic

Minister for the Environment Eamon Ryan has suggested replacing Irish music festival Electric Picnic with a new festival called Acoustic Picnic. The Green Party leader said there’s no excuse for using so much electricity in this day and age and called on organisers to think more about saving energy when planning future events.

“It’s time we pulled the plug on Electric Picnic.” he told RTE News. “I thought of that myself by the way. Pull the plug on Electric Picnic. It’s good isn’t it? Well, my advisers and speech writers did but still. It’s very clever. Sorry, what was the question again?”

It was put to the Minister that surely it’s ridiculous to suggest a music festival can take place without lights and amplifiers and he was asked how he expects the performers to sing to tens of thousands of people without a microphone.

“If everyone is really quiet, the people at the back will have no problem hearing the songs. See? Now who sounds ridiculous? Certainly not me that’s for sure.”

He also said Electric Picnic needs a complete overhaul and the organisers should have a rethink about everything from the food and drink they serve to the on-site entertainment.

“I want to see a candlelit environmentally friendly festival of nettle burgers, vegetable shakes and donkey powered ferris wheels. These are not unreasonable requests. The way everyone is reacting to my suggestions you’d think I’d gone mad in the head or something. What’s wrong with people?”

He also had some interesting ideas on the toilet facilities.

“There’s absolutely no need for all those disgusting portaloos. Electric Picnic takes place in the countryside and if we make people poo in a hole in the ground, they’ll be fertilising the Laois soil and as we all know that’s good for our environment. Even if everybody only goes once over the whole weekend that’s 50,000 poos.”

RTE then abruptly ended the interview and Minister Ryan was carried away by several men in white coats.