Sam Smith threatens to cancel Manchester gig until the city is renamed Themchester

Mad in the head singer Sam Smith has threatened to cancel his upcoming concert in Manchester until authorities there rename the city Themchester.

The ‘Stay With Me’ gobshite told reporters he is highly offended by the word Manchester and will not perform there until the local council gives in to his demands.

“I, and when I say I obviously I mean we, as in us, as in they, or them, so we, we will not perform in the city with the name I refuse to mention, oops, we refuse to mention, I’m plural, we’re plural, we are, I am a them, we’re a them, not a he, never a he, so, we refuse to mention, no, we refuse to play, em, sorry, what were we talking about?”

Smith of course can refer to himself however he wants to but incredibly, broadcasters and journalists everywhere have simply caved in and agreed to butcher the English language too rather than talk properly and risk causing offence. The singer doesn’t see what the big deal is.

“Just be happy I’m not vegan and calling for Birmingham to be renamed Birminglettuce. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Okay guys, new statement. I’m refusing to play Birmingham until it’s renamed Birminglettuce. We’re refusing. We are. As in me. So them. They refuse so they are refusing. Does anyone know a good fisherthem?”