Ronaldo Admits He’s Leaving Juventus Because Of Their Terrible New Shirt

Cristiano Ronaldo has admitted he is leaving Juventus because of their terrible new shirt. Ronaldo is even prepared to ruin his Manchester United legacy by joining noncey neighbours City in the English Premier League, a move that would infuriate the red half of Manchester.

“I love Manchester United and the fans love me but it looks like City are my only real hope of getting out of wearing that terrible new Juventus shirt. I won’t wear it. I have a reputation to uphold. Did the designer take some terrible acid that day? I’m aware Manchester City have a major problem with players liking, how do you say, girls of a certain age, but I’d rather play for a team of nonces than dress like one.”

Unfortunately for Ronaldo he obviously still hadn’t seen Manchester City’s new top, an awful looking black t-shirt with the words MAN CITY splashed across the front like one of those cheap knock-offs you see in a Chinese shop while on holidays in Spain.

We showed him a picture and asked him for his thoughts. He told us “Oh for fuck’s sake that’s even worse. I can’t win. Could you get me Shamrock Rovers phone number?”