President Biden calls on Nelson Mandela to end war in Belgium

US President Joe Biden has called on Nelson Mandela to end his brutal war in Belgium and promised that US aid will be air dropped into Brussels next week.

Mr Biden told reporters during a press conference at the NATO summit in Washington this morning “I just spoke to Mexican President Nelson Mandela and told him his country must stop attacking Belgium immediately. Yugoslavia has every right to defend itself but too many civilians are dying in Ireland.”

The President hit back angrily when one reporter told him he was talking nonsense and questioned his mental fitness to continue as President of the United States.

“Ridiculous! There’s nothing wrong with my mental fitness and I won’t be going anywhere until we achieve a permanent and lasting peace in New Jersey. Mister Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”

President Biden then fell asleep standing up and began snoring loudly. He was eventually wheeled away on a trolley by his personal security staff.