For God’s Sake Don’t Re-open Pubs On A Weekday, Government Urged

Irish business leaders are urging the government not to re-open the country’s pubs on a weekday. Fintan O’Houlihan of the Business Federation of Ireland said he thinks it would be a huge mistake and he told us why.

“By our estimates there are currently around 2.7 million people in this country gagging for a pint. Give or take a couple of hundred thousand here or there. They are dreaming of the day they’ll be able to go into a pub and have a drink. They’ve been dreaming of it for 7 weeks now. I believe that whenever that day comes we will have the biggest stampede in Irish history.”

Mr. O’Houlihan said he hopes most places of employment will have re-opened by then and as the majority of people in Ireland work from Monday to Friday, the only sensible thing to do is to have a grand re-opening of the nation’s pubs on a Saturday and then to designate the Sunday as a national hangover day.

“There will be very little work done in this country the day the pubs re-open and the next day won’t be much better. Of course not everyone in Ireland is a massive pisshead but this is different. We’ve had our right to do something taken away and we want it back. I’m teetotal myself, in fact I’ve never drank in my life but the day my local pub re-opens I’m going straight in to get shitfaced. So do the right thing Leo. If you promise to open the pubs on a Saturday we promise we’ll go back to work the following Monday. You know it makes sense.”