Breaking News … Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Still Not Sacked By Manchester United

News is reaching us that Ole Gunner Solskjaer has still not been sacked by Manchester United. The news comes after United were comfortably beaten by Manchester City at Old Trafford at the weekend having also been hammered 5-0 just two weeks ago by bitter rivals Liverpool.

“I’m as shocked as you.” said Solskjaer after being asked how the fuck he’s still manager. “I thought I was a gonner after the Liverpool defeat. Then I was absolutely certain I’d get the bullet after the City game but no. I’m still the manager. What does a lad have to do to get sacked around here, lol?”

United’s recent results have piled the pressure on Solskjaer with most pundits expecting him to get sacked immediately after Saturday’s humiliating defeat but there’s still no sign of the owners of the club getting rid of the Norwegian.

“Luckily for me Conte went to Spurs.” Solskjaer told reporters. “He’s an actual manager isn’t he? Wears a suit and all. Maybe if I started wearing a suit I could be a proper manager too. I could learn about tacticals or tactfuls or whatever they’re called. Tactics! That’s the word. See, I’m learning already.”

United’s next defeat is at Vicarage Road when they take on Watford next Saturday.