Shane MacGowan’s Liver Wins Lifetime Achievement Award


The liver of Pogues front man Shane MacGowan has been honoured at the annual People Awards ceremony which took place last night in the lavish surroundings of the Royal National Theatre in London. As always the yearly event was attended by leading stars from the entertainment industry who came together to celebrate outstanding achievements in a variety of fields. MacGowan’s liver was awarded for it’s “remarkable fighting spirit and never-say-die attitude”.

The naming of the recipient of the prestigious Lifetime Achievement Award is always the highlight of the night with previous winners including Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela and our own Bob Geldof before he became an unbearable arsehole. This is the first time the award has ever been won by an internal organ.

Shane MacGowan and his liver have never been far from the media spotlight with Shane’s drinking often making the headlines more than his music. After a brief period of worldwide success with The Pogues, Shane left the band in 1991 due to drinking problems. He formed a new band – Shane MacGowan and the Popes – but eventually left due to drinking problems and embarked on a solo career which he quit due to drinking problems.

More recently Shane held a press conference in Dublin only last month and announced his intentions to form a new band. Unfortunately he left the band before the end of the press conference due to drinking problems.

Last night in front of a packed house of A-List celebrities and a television audience of millions, Shane McGowan accepted the award on his liver’s behalf as human organs are incapable of speaking. Unfortunately Shane was also incapable of speaking as he had taken full advantage of the free bar and simply mumbled something incoherent before falling off the stage and smashing his new teeth off the head of Dame Judi Dench.

It is hoped that Shane will donate his liver to science so future generations can study it and figure out how the hell he didn’t die sooner.