Russian Covid Vaccine Volunteers Showing “No Major Side Effects” Says Kremlin

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Russian government officials are claiming that they are the first country in the world to create and approve a vaccine offering “sustainable immunity” against Covid-19, adding that volunteers have displayed no major side effects.

Russia’s Sputnik V vaccine has been developed in co-ordination with the country’s defence ministry and government spokesman Viktor Smirnoff told reporters at a press conference in Moscow that this is the breakthrough the world has been waiting for.

“Finally, a vaccine that kills the virus and is proven to have no side effects. Hardly any at all. I mean nothing worth mentioning. In fact I would say it has huge benefits to those who take it. Just ask my brother Ivan. He was going nowhere in life and now he’s tipped to become Russia’s next women’s Olympic wrestling champion.”

However Dr. Hanz Pieterssen of the World Health Organisation urged caution and said people should not get their hopes up just yet.

” We are in close contact with the Russian health authorities but I must emphasise that official acceptance of any vaccine includes a rigorous review and assessment of all the required safety data. Having said that, all the early indications are positive and this could actually be the Covid-19 vaccine that we sanction and release to the world. As long as it doesn’t give men tits.”