Middle-Aged Man Not Very Good At Football Anymore

A middle-aged man who thinks he’s still great at football is actually not very good at it anymore.

Cristiano Ronaldo, who turns 38 in February, walked out on Manchester United last month, believing all the top Champions League clubs in Europe would immediately be lining up to get his signature.

Unfortunately none of them did and if the rumours are true, it seems Ronaldo will be signing for some club called Al Nassr in the footballing backwater of Saudi Arabia.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, he was dropped to the bench for Portugal’s World Cup clash against Switzerland in Qatar this evening. It gests worse.

Ronaldo was replaced by Gonçalo Ramos. The 21 year-old scored at hat-trick. Lol.

In other news, reports are coming in that London fire service members are currently trying to talk Piers Morgan down off the roof of a city centre building. Witnesses at the scene say he is threatening to jump.