Over Half Of TDs Found To Be Lying, Conniving, Cheating, Bullshitting Bastards

Dáil Eireann

Over half of government TDs have been found to be lying, conniving, cheating, bullshitting bastards. The latest revelations involve TDs casting votes for other TDs who aren’t even present in the Dáil chamber at the time.

Fianna Fáil’s Niall Collins voted six times on behalf of his party colleague Timmy Dooley last week even though he wasn’t there.

Lisa Chambers pressed the voting button of fellow Fianna Fáil member Dara Calleary and then her own button during another ballot last week. Ms Chambers said she knows she should have told the Ceann Comhairle straight away but instead decided not to bother her arse.

“When I realised my error I moved to my own seat and voted again. Yes I should have told the Ceann Comhairle immediately but I did tell him yesterday as soon as I realised that what I did was about to go public.”

Fianna Fáil Leader Micheál Martin hilariously accepted Ms Chambers’ explanation.

Offaly TD Barney Fitzmaurice told us “Yes it’s true, most of us are lying, conniving, cheating, bullshitting bastards. I wouldn’t trust me as far as I could throw me but that’s Irish politics lads. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and cast my vote in a ballot to give TDs another pay rise. From a beach in southern Spain. Lol.”