Deadly New Virus Called ‘Gobshitis’ Spreading Rapidly Nationwide

Gobshitis

The government has confirmed that an outbreak of gobshitis has been gradually spreading across the country for the past few weeks and that they purposely kept the news from the public in an attempt to prevent nationwide panic.

Dr. Philip McIntyre of the Institute for Scientific Research told RTE News this morning that it’s time to come clean and let people know exactly what’s going on. He explained what Gobshitis is and what the signs are to look out for?

“Symptoms include a strong belief that you can catch the coronavirus from eating Chinese food or that it was predicted in an episode of The Simpsons. People with Gobshitis will often be found in the comments section on Facebook talking absolute shite and calling everyone who points out that they’re wrong a wanker.

“As well as having very strong opinions on subjects they know literally nothing about, there are several other tell-tale signs that someone has been infected by Gobshitis such as a complete inability to spell the simplest of words, typing everything in capital letters or constantly using the term ‘could of’ instead of ‘could have’.”

However, unlike the coronavirus Dr. McIntyre said there is a cure that has been known to work on many people suffering from Gobshitis.

“Generally what we’re hearing back is that a good boot up the hole tends to do the trick.”