Geese That Migrate Here For Winter Told To Quarantine For 2 Weeks Upon Arrival

Geese that migrate here for the winter have been ordered to quarantine for 2 weeks upon arrival. Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly made the announcement this morning and said any goose that fails to adhere to the new rules could face a €200 fine or 6 months in prison.

“Most of the geese who come here for the winter are flying in from Greenland and as you know Greenland was removed from Ireland’s international travel ‘green list’ several weeks ago. Therefore the government has no option but to order all geese arriving in Ireland to self-isolate for 2 weeks before going out and about and doing whatever it is geese get up to.”

Birdwatch Ireland have slammed the new measures and said Minister Donnelly is talking out of his arse.

Spokesman Henry Winterbottom told us “Geese are very social animals who like to hang around in gaggles and have the craic. Forcing them to self-isolate would be an act of extreme cruelty. The Minister should be ashamed of himself. I appeal to him to reconsider and to order swans to quarantine instead. Swans are dickheads. Nobody likes them. Posh twats.”