Latest Research Claims Food Is Bad For You

Scientists2

Scientists researching what we should eat for a healthy diet are claiming that all food is bad for you. Dr. Philip McIntyre carried out the study and he said the results are conclusive.

“We examined the lifestyle and habits of every single person who died in Ireland last year to see if there was one common denominator. There was! They were all regular eaters of food. We can therefore conclude without doubt that food is bad for you because they all ate food and now they’re all dead.”



The shocking results come just days after health experts said intake of foods such as meat and sugar needs to fall by 90 percent by 2050 to avert climate disaster or some such bollocks. The study also claimed livestock farming is catastrophic for the environment, producing up to 20 percent of global greenhouse gases whatever the fuck they are.

President of the Irish farmers association Joseph Malone however pointed out that Ireland is the most carbon-efficient dairy and beef producer in Europe, something the researchers failed to mention, and told them to shove their results as far up their holes as they could reach.

Next week: Is exercise bad for you?
We investigate.