Quick! Everyone Outside Now!! It’s 12 Fucking Degrees!!!


As Ireland basks in the glory of a whopping 12 degrees celsius people are being encouraged to get outside and enjoy the sunshine while it lasts. All over the country this evening people will be washing bird shite off garden furniture and buying trolley loads of burgers and sausages in anticipation of the first Friday evening in ages that it’s neither freezing cold nor pissing rain.

Off-licences and supermarkets are reportedly selling cider by the truck load too as Ireland’s favourite summertime drink flies off the shelves. We asked Jamie Colgan from Met Eireann how long we can expect the sunny weather to last.

“About 2 hours.” he told us. “Later this evening the sun will disappear behind a blanket of dark grey clouds and stay there for around 2 months. My advice is to get as many burgers and ciders down your neck as possible today because you won’t be sitting outside again any time soon.”

So what kind of weather can we expect for the rest of the weekend?

“You can expect shite weather for the rest of the weekend.” Jamie told us. “Tomorrow will start off dull until around midday when it will get even duller. It will then piss rain ’til about Tuesday.”

Enjoy your evening folks. Clearly this 12 degree heatwave is not going to last.