“Shut Up!” “No, You Shut Up!” Crucial Summit Talks End Early After Row

Crucial talks between two of the most powerful leaders in the world – who also happen to have two of the most hilarious haircuts in the world – ended abruptly in Vietnam yesterday as Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un failed to reach an agreement on denuclearisation.

Things got off to a bad start when Kim sarcastically asked Trump how his wall is coming along and his bodyguards started laughing. Trump took the bait and the argument escalated quickly.

“At least my name’s not Kim. That’s a girl’s name. You’re a girl.” said Trump.

“Shut up!” replied Kim angrily. “I’ve eaten oranges less orange than you. You look like a satsuma with hair.”

Trump immediately hit back telling Kim “You’re hardly in a position to laugh at someone’s hair. I’ve been secretly paying your barber for the last 4 years to make you look ridiculous. Ha! What do you think about that?”

The two men continued exchanging insults for the next couple of hours apart from a 5-minute toilet break during which the American President tweeted how great the meeting was going and the North Korean leader instructed his bodyguards to have his barber executed.

The summit was set to continue today where the main topic of conversation was going to be each other’s wives and how hideous they are. Both men had also agreed to turn their attention to nuclear weapons if they had time but said they couldn’t promise anything. That conversation however will now clearly have to wait for another day.