Emergency legislation passed by the government yesterday means people who say the word ‘Crimbo’ instead of Christmas can be punched in the face by anyone without fear of prosecution.
Widely considered to be the most cringeworthy and annoying abbreviation of the word Christmas ever concocted, crimbo originated in Britain and gradually made its way into Ireland where it is particularly popular with Dubliners. It is only ever used by absolute arseholes.
Campaigners welcomed the news but say more needs to be done. ‘Punch A Wanker’ spokesman Ken Daly said “We welcome the new legislation that gives all Irish citizens the freedom to punch people who say crimbo but it doesn’t go far enough. We will not rest until the same law applies to people who use the word holibops when talking about their holidays. Wankers!”
Minister for Justice John Dumpleton told us “While I agree the word ‘holibops’ is an abomination and those who use it deserve a good hard slap, the government has dealt swiftly with the more immediate threat of people using ‘crimbo’ with the festive season almost upon us. Rest assured ‘holibops’ will be dealt with soon. However, anyone who says ‘Crimbo Holibops’ is going straight to fuckin’ prison.”