The National Public Health Emergency Team is warning of a fresh wave of plagues, pestilence, famine, black death, armageddon and possible all-out nuclear war. Dr Ronan Glynn said the forecast is very bleak and is urging everyone in the country not to look for positives and to remain worried and frightened at all times.
“We have a message for the people of Ireland. Things are terrible and will remain terrible for a very long time to come. Soon a fresh wave of all sorts of horrible things will spread throughout the country. Hopefully we’ll get to shut everything down again. Also there’s a very strong possibility that you’re all going to die soon.”
Dr Glynn said NPHET hopes to introduce far stricter rules than the ones currently in place and claimed the people of Ireland have had things too easy for too long.
“If you thought level 5 was tough wait ’til you get a load of level 6. Only one person will be allowed to attend a wedding. Preferably either the bride or groom. There’s absolutely no need for both. Shops can open but nobody can buy anything in them. Or go in for a look. Masks must be worn at all times outdoors and indoors including in your home. Removal of your mask, even while in the shower or in bed, will result in an automatic prison sentence. And finally for now, anyone who travels to an airport with the intention of boarding a flight will be shot dead at check-in. NPHET has spoken and these are your new rules to live by. May God have mercy on our souls.”