Dublin to get two new Gardaí in massive government crackdown on crime

By Paul McRingo Crime Correspondent

Micheál Martin has announced that Dublin is to get two new Gardaí and said he hopes the new recruits will be walking the streets of the capital within the next few months.

The Taoiseach told a press conference that it’s all part of a massive government crackdown on crime and claimed that criminals will soon have nowhere to hide.

“Once again this government shows that when it comes to crime prevention we’ll stop at nothing. Two new Gardaí will soon be walking the streets of our capital city. This is devastating news for all the criminal gangs and the violent thugs out there. Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime. That’s us all over.”

Crime rates in Dublin have surged significantly in recent years and show no signs of slowing down, especially violet crime and attacks on members of the public. We put it to the Taoiseach that two extra Gardaí might not be enough.

“Rubbish! You haven’t met them. Seamus and Padraig are two of Longford’s finest and I guarantee you Dublin criminals will be quaking in their boots at this news. Take that scumbags!”

The Taoiseach said he also intends to provide Dublin’s Emergency Response Unit with a new bicycle later this year.