Trump imposes new tarrifs on Europe after Ryder Cup defeat

Paul McRingo Sports Correspondent

President Donald Trump has said he is going to impose new tarrifs on European goods after the USA were beaten by Europe in the Ryder Cup.

Golf’s most prestigious event, which attracts millions of viewers worldwide, reached boiling point on several occasions over the weekend as verbal abuse and heckling by American fans of Team Europe’s players – particularly Irish duo Rory McIlroy and Shane Lowry – led to McIlroy telling them to “Shut the fuck up!” and Lowry yelling “Fuck you!” at the crowd in celebration after he stuck away a put for a birdie on the fifth hole yesterday.

After the Offaly man sank the decisive putt this evening to retain the Ryder Cup for Europe, Trump held an emergency press conference in which he questioned the result.

“There is evidence to suggest the Ryder Cup result was rigged and I will be imposing 1,000% tarrifs on all European golf related items from right now until they admit they cheated. This will include golf balls, golf clubs, golf hats and Volkswagen golfs.”

Trump also had some harsh words for members of the American press who were present.

“You guys need to stop reporting that Europe beat us 15-13. That’s fake news! Why would you say that? You people hate America and you want the terrorists to win.”

The President then encouraged USA fans to storm the clubhouse and take the Ryder cup from Team Europe. Unfortunately for Trump they all left as soon as Lowry sunk his putt. We’ll have more on this breaking news as it develops.