Ryanair to bring back smoking and non-smoking seats

Ryanair have confirmed that they will bring back smoking on aeroplanes with immediate effect.

Group CEO Michael O’Leary told a press conference in Dublin this morning the reason behind the move.

“As everyone knows we at Ryanair will do anything we can to squeeze every last penny out of our customers and this is just another example of that. From today, people who wish to sit in non-smoking seats will have to pay extra for the privilege. Let’s say 50 quid.”

O’Leary said that people who don’t pay the extra charge for a non-smoking seat may well end up in a smoking seat and then face a whole other issue.

“If you end up in a smoking seat you must smoke. Not smoking in a smoking seat will result in a hefty fine. Let’s say 50 quid again. God the money’s adding up nicely already.

So, will the smoking seats be located at the back of the plane like they were years ago before the ban?

“Don’t be silly. The smoking seats will be randomly scattered around the plane all over the place. At Ryanair it’s all about making the flights as unpleasant as possible. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m off to get the legroom on all our planes reduced by another two feet. If your knees are squashed up against the seat in front I’m not doing my job right.”