Local man can’t wait for Christmas to end so he can stop fucking drinking

A local man has admitted he can’t wait for Christmas to end so he can finally stop drinking. 32 year-old Brian Fitzpatrick from Tullamore said he loves Christmas and looks forward to it every year but enough is enough.

“This has been the best Christmas ever. Please somebody make it stop. I’ve been on the lash non-stop for over a week now. I swear I can actually feel the drink slowly killing me and causing serious damage to my liver. Those heart palpitations probably aren’t great either but it’s Christmas so obviously you have to keep drinking. Unless of course you’re one of those non-drinking weirdos, which I’m not.”

Like many people around the country, Brian is due back in work on Thursday and said it’s time to sober up but coming off the drink for him is a gradual process.

“You can’t just suddenly stop or your body could go into shock. You need to wean yourself off alcohol. I’m officially off the drink starting from now so I’ll probably just have 7 or 8 cans tonight and a few glasses of wine before bed. Just to help me sleep. I’ll be grand by Thursday.”