Irish Army put on standby as tensions escalate

Paul McRingo | War Correspondent

The Irish army has been put on standby as tensions escalate in the Middle East.

Israel and Iran exchanged a barrage of missiles over the last two days and Taoiseach Micheál Martin said he has ordered the Irish defence forces to have its tank ready for action at a moment’s notice.

“Ireland will not be found wanting if we’re called into action to help our friends in their hour of need. For that reason I have told our army to get the tank out of the garage and bring her in for an NCT. I’m told it’s out of date. The lad who operates it and fires that big cannon yoke is currently on holidays in Lanzarote but when he gets back we’re good to go.”

The T20, nicknamed the green machine, is capable of hitting a target from over 40 feet away and the Taoiseach said he’s not afraid to use it.

“Israel should not provoke us. Okay so the Iranian regime beats women to death for not wearing head scarves in public among other things, and my God there are so many other things, but our President is a friend and you have to be on someone’s side. So go Iran!”

UPDATE: It has just been announced that the green machine failed its NCT and will therefore not be allowed to join any war.