“I have self-coupled!” Singer Sam Smith says he’s in a romantic relationship with himself

Paul McRingo Mental Health Correspondent

British Pop star Sam Smith has said he is in a romantic relationship with himself.

The 33 year-old nut job said he is in love with himself and couldn’t be happier.

“I went out on a date with myself recently and it was amazing. It was so romantic and when I got home I ended the night by giving myself a good seeing to. All this time I’ve been looking for that perfect them when all along they have been right here.”

Smith decided several years ago that he was in a position to change the English language and announced that he wanted to be referred to in the plural.

Incredibly, broadcasters and journalists everywhere simply caved in and agreed to butcher the English language too rather than talk properly and risk offending him.

Soon idiots everywhere decided that they were also more than one person and demanded to be called them from now on instead of him or her.

So, it seems that after years of being told to do it, Sam Smith has finally decided to go fuck himself. We hope he is very happy together.