Last Person In Ireland Who Knew When To Stand, Kneel & Sit During Mass Passes Away

The last living person in Ireland who knew exactly when to stand, kneel and sit during mass has sadly passed away. 90 year-old Tom Larkin from Tullamore was laid to rest this morning at Clonminch cemetery.

There was confusion during the funeral mass as nobody in attendance seemed sure what to do and several people were taken to hospital suffering from shock after they went straight from standing to the kneeling position when they were supposed to sit.

“It was a mess.” Tom’s friend Mick Bracken told us. “That never would have happened in Tom’s day. We all followed his lead. He’s a huge loss. They might as well close that church down for good now and turn it into a nightclub or something. I’ll never go back.”

Parish priest Father Heaney said Tom will be sadly missed by the community.

“Tom will be sadly missed by the community.” he said. “I’d happily allow everyone to sit throughout the whole mass. Unfortunately they’d all burn in hell forever so that’s not really an option. Our Lord works in mysterious ways.”