Scumbag Under The Impression Wearing A Suit Will Make Judge Think He’s Respectable


A local scumbag who is due in court today is under the impression that wearing a suit will somehow make the judge think he’s a decent, respectable young man. 22 year-old Wayne Flanagan has 18 previous convictions ranging from assault to various drug offences but thinks his choice of clothing for today’s hearing will make all that irrelevant.

“I can’t remember what I’m up for this time but it doesn’t really matter ‘coz I’m wearing a suit. Once the judge sees me dressed like this he’s bound to think I’ve got one of those job things and let me off. Mark my words I’ll be in the pub supping pints by lunchtime. Fuck da Police! Lol.”

An hour later Flanagan came face to face with Judge John Cummins, a man with over 20 years experience of criminal courts and with a fierce reputation for handing out severe sentences to petty criminals.

“You are obviously a serial offender and have no intention of changing your ways.” he told Flanagan. “Never have I come across anyone more deserving of a custodial sentence than you. However, I notice you’re wearing a suit so that changes everything. You are hereby fined €50. Now go on, get out of here before I change my mind you sharp dressed rogue.”

After an appeal by his solicitor the court agreed to cut Flanagan’s fine to €20 and allow him to pay €1 per week from his jobseeker’s benefit.